I don't talk to my family, like Brooklyn Beckham does; we need to talk about our estrangement.

Ben Cole-Edwards, 30, has been estranged from his mother for three years (Image: Ben Cole-Edwards)

Ben Cole-Edwards hasn't talked to his mother in three years, and he says that they've had a rough relationship most of his life. The 30-year-old is not alone, and is now a trauma informed coach, with nearly 900,000 followers on TikTok listening to his advice.

 There have been a number of high-profile family controversies, such as Harry and Meghan's relationship with the Royal family, Brooklyn Beckham, and Olympic swimmer Adam Peaty, who is said to have skipped his parents' wedding. There is relatively little research on family estrangement in the UK, but a nationwide survey of 1,300 people in the US found as many as 27% American adults had cut contact from a family member.

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Ben said that when he distanced himself from his mother to protect his mental health, he was called a "brat" online. He said users often claim removing contact with family members is now becoming a trend - but Ben believes becoming estranged is the "last resort" for many.

 He said, "Cutting off a parent is getting rid of that chance of being loved," describing everyone's inner child as wanting to be loved in an effort to contextualize the decision. At the time, he thought his childhood was just like everyone else's, but looking back, now he believes it was emotionally unstable.

 Because he wanted to be the best father he could be, the Bridgend-based father of four started to question things when he was expecting his first child in 2020. However, after what he termed "patterns of behavior" that persisted, he distanced himself from his relationship with his mother. He began online posting about his feelings and thoughts in 2023. Ben, who holds diplomas in psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy, stated, "Every video I posted I had to take a deep dive into my life, and my own childhood, and see why I do what I do, and why other people did what they did." "I started speaking about things that no-one was, and it just blew up.

 "I was just talking about me when I said it has changed my life."

What began as videos sharing parenting advice online has now turned into a career, as Ben offers counselling sessions to clients all over the World.

 He mainly speaks to people in their 20s to 30s, and Ben says 99.9% come to him because they are already disconnected from their family, either physically or emotionally.

 "How do I start living my life?," he added, "but I have clients in their 70s." Ben's mother, Nicola, said she was neither emotionally or physically abusive to Ben.

 As a single mum, Nicola says she "made sure he [Ben] had everything his friends had" and she described them as having a "fantastic relationship" up until his late teens.

 "I loved my son so much...  She added, "I would have given my life for my son," noting that she was the one who cut off contact with Ben three years ago after discovering his social media account.

Ben says it's never on the child to repair the relationship, "regardless of how old they are"(Image: Ben Cole-Edwards)

A researcher in family estrangement for more than 10 years, psychologist Dr Lucy Blake said there is no data to indicate estrangement is rising, but there has been a huge shift in dialogue.

 Blake said there is sometimes an idea on social media that people decide a relative is toxic or cut them out really easily, but in her experience, most people have thought about becoming estranged for some decades.

 "What can make it feel like it's a trend is that it's such a common experience," said Blake.

 "And because it's so isolating, I can imagine social media is a real solace for people to say 'I have this experience too'."

Brooklyn Beckham took to social media to explain his estrangement from his parents in January (Image: Getty Images)

Melissa said she was surprised by how many people described situations similar to hers when she started sharing her experience of not being in contact with her family on social media. "I thought it was a very rare thing to happen, I didn't know there were so many people out there who could relate to something I was saying," she said.

 Melissa, who hails from West Yorkshire, stated that she made the decision nearly six years ago to stop communicating with the majority of her biological family. "To cut contact is literally the final straw after years upon years of trying to be the person that they want to you be, trying to please them, being subjected to all of their behaviours," she added.

The relationship between Harry and Meghan and the Royal family has been well documented (Image: PA Media)

She continued, "It would leave me feeling so down and depressed every single time I was around them, and just kind of at a loss as to what to do with myself every time I was around them." "I had the impression that my character, personality, and appearance were always criticized severely. "They weren't bringing anything good to my life but I was hanging on so long to try and get the relationship I obviously needed."

 Melissa says therapy helped her accept not needing answers any more.

 Melissa says she feels disassociated from her previous life, having been diagnosed with anxiety at age 8 and depression at age 14. Her online sharing of her story has drawn criticism. She stated, "Someone can watch one video of mine and assume I'm doing it for attention; they are not considering I've had 26 years of all of this trauma and abuse." "You wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior in a friendship, you wouldn't tolerate it in a coworker, and you wouldn't tolerate it in anyone." "But you're the bad one because it's your family, there is so much importance placed on that word."

Melissa believes that instead of questioning why somebody doesn't speak to their family, people should ask, what made you walk away?

 "The most important thing for me is that there are voices out there to help those who need it," she added.

 "I would have benefited so much from having access to that when I was younger.

 "I want to be that person who shouts for everybody, because there are so many people who don't have that voice yet."

Source: BBC